The Big "O"

Orgasms. Everyone wants one, but not everyone gets one. Why is it that not everyone feels they can get off? Unfortunately there is more than one answer to this.

Sometimes there is an intense pressure to cum. For example, if you are having sex with a person for the first time and want to keep their attention having an orgasm seems to be a wonderful outcome. It makes you feel great and your partner feel great. If you don't orgasm, perhaps you're afraid that you won't keep them, that you'll disappoint them, that they'll want to have less sex with you. WRONG! It is OKAY not to cum! Sex is more than just an orgasm, it is about the intimacy between the two people that are sharing it. Obviously with a one night stand it'll be disappointing - but you'd be faking it for it to be over with (seeing how it wasn't that good, haha). So my advice is to just relax and let things happen. It make take more than 20 minutes to achieve climax, and that is fine. The more you talk to your partner about how you like to be touched the easier cumming may be as well. Or if you feel your partner is pressuring you to cum too fast (and you lose concentration, etc.) then explain that to them. The majority of those involved in relationships want a two way street: to please and to be pleased. Don't get caught up in the moment of pressure, breathe and take a minute.

For others there may be psychological inhibitors that don't allow a person to concentrate or let go enough. Do you have a history of sexual abuse? Do you feel shy or intimidated? Were there any past relationships that influence your sex drive/sexual actions? Psychological issues can be addressed by oneself without a therapist if one is willing to do some hardcore self analysis. Write down different sexual encounters you've had and what within those encounters you felt comfortable with or don't feel comfortable with. Once you're ready to address your partner with what you feel the issue may be - you'll feel relieved, revived, and ready to enjoy sex again.

**The true key to an orgasm is patience**

For those who feel they can't provide adequate service: You can't just touch a vagina or a penis and think things will just happen by themselves. You need to read the person's body, ask what they like and don't like, and really listen when they moan or shift their position. Every body is different; everyone has different erogenous zones. Be sure to explore everything before giving up. Perhaps you're not good at something the other person wants, doesn't mean you can't learn.

For those who feel they need to fake it: Tell your partner what you want! Maybe you're so silent and stiff that reading any energy from you becomes impossible. You cannot expect your partner to be a mind reader! They may have had sex with many people before you, but it doesn't mean that they have a magic wand and can perform miracles. Don't be afraid to say something. Your biggest mistake will be faking it every time, because then your partner will think you like things you really don't and you'll never be satisfied.

YOU CAN GET OFF! Embrace what is necessary to achieve that orgasm. Achieve Climax!