Online Beginnings!

Don't knock it till you try it! Love is not an easy find.

Online dating has become one of the best devices for meeting a potential partner! Many people get discouraged by thinking that the person on the other side may not be who they say they are, but if you are truly looking for love (or for someone) this is a route I would highly recommend! You have the opportunity to spend less time going on dates with people you barely know and more time to get to know more than one person to see who may be right for you.

The benefits of being able to converse through email are:

- feeling less inhibited by social settings

- stronger ability to speak more openly/less shy

- saving money on a cocktail or food

- FREE

- no stress over when to answer or when not to answer

- pictures are available more often than not

- most phones allow your emails to be sent to them; highly convenient

Skeptics say that one should meet their mate in "real life" but who has time for that anymore? Nobody has the perfect job where they get paid well and can find love all in the same location. And who wants to go to a bar to find their partner? Other social settings such as volunteer work, school organizations, PTA meetings, etc. don't allot for enough socializing to really connect with someone well enough...that could even take months of attendance. Of course love (or lust for that matter) should never be rushed but a step in a more forward direction never hurt anyone.

A lot of dating websites are free, at least to sign up for them. This means that you have the chance to browse without having to put down cash. This also means that you are not obligated to put up any information of yours just yet. Even if you choose to stay with the 'free features,' put up pictures of yourself along with other information people can still contact you. Your response to them is free of charge! We all love free things :)

If this is something you've been curious about now is the time to try it!

If you are a skeptic who is afraid of meeting someone who isn't who they say they are, my advice to you is to thoroughly do your research! You certainly don't need to acquire their social security number for verification, but I would listen to your gut. Ask questions that are personal, make a note of them, and then reference them later on throughout the conversation. Most times you'll be able to catch them in their lie and then know whether it's a good idea to continue talking. If you feel everything is on par and he or she is someone you'd like to meet up with: MEET UP IN A PUBLIC PLACE! Find somewhere that is very busy; it's not like you both have to stay there once you've met up (especially if that person is indeed who you had been waiting for) but by doing that you both can feel secure in knowing that you both are who you say you are.

I'm not saying that everyone should find the love of their life on the internet, but I am saying that the internet has opened up an incredible opportunity to meet new people and not have to spend a meal or a drink every single time. There are plenty of fish in the sea, yes, but not every fish is the right fish so why bother surfing through a bar full of them (wasting your breath and energy) when you could browse online, read profiles, and spend your energy more wisely?

Dating websites I would recommend would be:

Eharmony.com

Match.com

Singlesnet.com

Tangowire.com

OkCupid.com

Spark.com

Loveaccess.com

Plentyoffish.com

There are tons more too, but those are ones I would start off browsing through. Look for deals if you are planning on joining any site in which you are willing to put cash into it. Check to see what their free features are versus their paid features to see if it is worth it/which site is worth paying for (if that is even something you want to do). Most certainly check out the free features. Some websites allow free chat, free initial contact, free browsing, etc.

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DON'T LIMIT YOURSELF! This may not be your first line of action when looking for a partner, and it obviously doesn't have to be your only action, but it is an option you should FULLY explore.

Feeling Good is Worth It.

Love is not and wont ever be rational.

Caring deeply for people can make you do things that you never thought you'd do before, react like you never thought you'd react before, and think like you never thought you'd think before. It makes us open up our emotions to a level of such vulnerability...and while vulnerable, we are also weak. This certainly isn't a bad thing, though.

It is absolutely okay to feel. We are all afraid of stepping in too deep and potentially getting shipwrecked, but the feelings that come with love, with being in love, is one of the greatest feelings known to human kind (and in my opinion: even better than an orgasm most times). It is also okay to fall first. There is no rhyme or reason as to how fast one can or can't fall. We all come from different relationship backgrounds where just as one could be so hurt they can't open up, one can be so ready and moved on from their past they can open up sooner. Even if the two of you don't work out, you would have shared something extremely incredible, both together and for yourself. Life doesn't always allot for relationships to exist for "forever," but it certainly does present us with the ability to love if given reason enough to.

By putting ourselves out there we are also risking getting hurt, yes. Jealousy doesn't come from a negative intention, though! It means that there are emotions involved, feelings opened up and a little bit of hurting going on. What we do when jealous or upset is act out. Not always for the better, but there is most definitely a reaction. You do control your actions, though. It doesn't take much to hurt someone when they like you, especially when them liking you is something you're aware of. So when someone acts out, specifically negatively, you have all right to be hurt but should also take into consideration what made him or her act that way. Part of love is also forgiveness, and the willing to work together to move forward.

Emotions are a tender thing: so easily bruised but not so easily healed. Love will never be rational, no matter how hard you try to make it be. When hurt, frustrated or angry while in love, caring or loving someone - our first instinct is to protect ourselves. It doesn't feel good to hurt, to feeling bruised - to feel vulnerable, so we don't always pick the best way to react.

If you have a partner that you feel is always overreacting or being hypersensitive to things then you need to discuss with them that a) it's something that's bothering you and b) figure out what it is they need so they won't react like that anymore. If the discussion between the both of you brings about a positive change and something you feel will work then go for it; if it is something you don't think you can handle or would rather not handle then be honest and tell him or her that.

If you feel that you're jealous, acting out or unhappy then you should say something too. Don't put blame on that person, however, just bring up that you are feeling uncomfortable lately and why. Discuss everything you're feeling and together figure out what the next step is going to be.

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All we can do is love until we can't. Again, we all have tolerance levels. Levels at which we know what we can and cannot handle. Love is not easy, it is not rational, it is not perfect. But to feel it, even for a moment, feels amazing. Regardless what it does to us, how it does it to us, who stays, who goes, etc. it was truly worth it to feel the good parts while it was good, or to continue to feel good while it's good. Having the ability to feel that great is worth it.

You're In Charge of YOURSELF!

DON'T GET TRAMPLED ON!!

If you are dating someone who you feel is taking advantage of you, not listening to you, not respecting you or downright mistreating you - you need to stop them. It takes two to tango, if you're constantly giving all yourself to him or her then what are you giving to you? NOTHING! At the end of the day, when you close your eyes, all you have is you, yourself, and you. You shouldn't let other's mistreat you just like you shouldn't be mistreating yourself.

It's difficult when confronted with having to walk away from someone whom you may love and care a lot for, but if they are make you feel sad or confused or anything with a negative connotation then you should really reevaluate what's going on with you two. My first piece of advice would be to write down all of the things that make you feel the way you do. Then I would take a day (at least) to figure out how to say what it is you need to say to your partner to get the results you need. Words do hurt so make sure you're calm while talking with your partner. When you do discuss things, don't say anything you cannot stick by. If you say you need space then take your space, don't just claim space and then going running to him or her. That will only confuse them and inevitably confuse yourself. ALSO - don't say anything that is only to test that person. So if you say you want space but you are really testing him or her to see how long it takes for them to come begging for you, you're playing games and NO ONE likes games.

You can't just walk away from a situation without saying anything. Ignoring them is prolonging the issue. If you're choosing to stay with him or her I would start by saying what the good things are that you have between you and then delve into what you feel you need changed. You don't want to seem as if you are pinning that person to a wall, but more that you care very much for them and want things to work. If they continue to mistreat you, confuse you or not respect you then you should really take time for yourself. I'm not saying to break up with them, but to stop seeing him or her until you feel your head isn't clouded. A lot of times it is harder to see inside the box when you are standing in it; you really need to step back and see what is truly going on. You have to stand up for yourself! Allowing yourself to get stepped on and mishandled is wasting your time and damaging your heart. If you're going to break up with them (or something of that nature) then you need to give clear reasons why and stick to them. If you just want a break, state that; if you want to fully break up, state that. Whatever it is you want you really should make it clear and understandable.

If you are comfortable with the change that happens once you've said what you need to, even if it takes a little time for everything to get fixed (because it is certain that nothing happens over night) then I would stick with him or her until given another reason/drop of tolerance happens.

Everything is a matter of tolerance - don't neglect your gut! If you have to think twice, EVEN IF YOU ONLY HAVE TO THINK TWICE, then something is up. Again, it is very hard to let go of someone for fear of losing them. But what if you are losing yourself? What if after all is said and done, after you've strained yourself to the thinnest, after you've cried every last tear drop your eyes can produce - you still don't have him or her? and now you've given up so much of your time and energy for what? to lose yourself to someone you didnt even end up with?! It's better if you are to step away, collect yourself, and re-enter the relationship with a clear perspective on how to keep YOURSELF happy and keep the relationship happy. Don't let yourself slip into the life of someone else - YOU ARE A SOMEONE TOO!! You should always be in charge of you. You have to communicate what you're feeling to him or her (positive or negative), but you certainly shouldn't be unhappy.

Cloudiness will get you into trouble. Trouble causes heartache. And heartache never feels good. Keep open communication with your partner, especially if you think they are worth it. Only say what you intend on sticking with, the more rules you line up and don't follow the more they will walk all over you. DEMAND RESPECT! For everyone deserves that and should never go a minute, an hour or a day without it!! You need to love yourself first, and everyone else next. That doesn't mean be selfish and treat your partner like crap just because you feel they're treating you that way, but it does mean that you shouldn't stand for any maltreatment!

Love yourself; you're the only person who truly knows how to! <3