Don't Run from Distance!

What do you know - long distance relationships can work!

Don't doubt yourself too quickly if you find yourself dealing with a potential, or actual, long distance relationship situation - you could be strong enough. A lot of what breaks long distance relationships apart is the inability to trust from one side and then the inability to deal with insecurities on the other side. But if you two communicate with each other there is hope!

The formula to a successful long distance relationship is = mutual [open] communication + agreed upon circumstances, boundaries, and expectations + trust.

This can certainly be a challenge and thought of negatively before explored properly. It is difficult to have a relationship where you barely see your partner and your primary way of expressing feelings for one another is through written or verbal communication, but distance can make the heart grow fonder. This type of relationship isn't for everyone; some people need constant physical love and affection. However, for the right individual: one who knows how to communicate, trust and remain faithful to their promises/agreements this could be a healthy, happy, loving situation.

A relationship, long distance or not, is going to be hard work. Each person much be honest with each other, instill trust within one another, and trust themselves to stick to their word. Regardless of distance, without each of you being on mutual grounds there will always be a potential chance for failure. So just work at it. Just communicate. It is difficult, but not impossible.

If you are in one currently and want out all you have to do is say so. Or if you are in one and you want physical company while your partner is away, express that. You cannot be unhappy and you must be fair to him or her. I shouldn't have to say this, but be respectful and compassionate when breaking the news. It's never a good time for bad news, yes, but it is very important that the let down be easy and empathetic. More importantly, if your agreement with your partner is one of monogamy but you want polygamy and he or she doesn't agree - cheating is not the answer. Again, I'd like to highlight communication: if you want what they don't want - you either come to an agreement or respect the other enough to walk away.

If you love him or her, though, than anything can work out. Unless you know for a fact that the distance is going to be too much, don't run away from it. You could be missing out on something that's not worth missing out on. Be positive and stay open, that's what the relationship game is all about! It's not as if you won't see that person ever, you'll just simply have to be more strategic about when you do.

Know yourself, don't give more than what you can, and be honest about how you feel.

Friendship by day, Sex partner by night

Friends with benefits. Yes, they do exist! And yes, they can be healthy if approached right.

As humans we all feed off of human touch, contact and conversation. Therefore it is natural to have friends with whom we can engage in amazing conversation with but also have that sexual release with (without strings, jealousy or extra complications). This release doesn't always have to be sex, but it can be flirtation, physical touching/caressing, a cuddle buddy, etc. Benefits has a lot of meanings, so be sure to discuss with your partner what it is you want out of that relationship. Not everyone has a friend with whom they can have benefits with, for it is not necessary; but it is normal for the general population.

Approaching this type of situation with caution would be my advice to anyone and everyone who potentially wants to get involved in a relationship of this nature. For just as we all have needs for conversation and sexual pleasure, we do have emotions too. Emotions can get tied into it if one party gets attached. This doesn't happen all the time, but if it does a friendship will typically be ruined and a heart may be broken. They seem much simpler than they actually are.

When getting into these situations one should:

- discuss fully with the other person their intent before initiating anything!!!

- discuss boundaries, limits and restrictions

- keep each other well informed of where their emotions are (for although one may think they can keep their emotions under control they may be thinking that they are getting passed signals by their "friends with benefits partner" that mean more than what they actually do)

If you follow the guidelines above I feel you'll have a better turn out if you choose to engage in such activity. KEEP YOUR EMOTIONS IN CHECK!

A check list for if you may be feeling anything too emotional:

- jealousy

- anger

- resentment

- too high of expectations/unrealistic expectations (e.g. all of their time & attention)

- confusion about the future (for there shouldn't be any future but the present as each present day happens [until it doesn't anymore])

A friendship by day and sex partner by night could be one of the greatest experiences of your life. You don't have anyone that you're committed to, no one to answer to, you can live your own life but have that release when necessary, it's at your own convenience (and theirs), ability to have more than one friend with benefits, etc. If done properly it could reduce a lot of stress in your life (if of course this is something you want at the time).

Always heed with caution: emotions are tricky suckers... but if you keep communication OPEN and FLOWING you shouldn't run into many problems

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If you are planning on ending a friends with benefits situation you DO need to take emotions into consideration. Although both of you should have kept your emotions in check it isn't about whether someone has fallen for you or not, but about who they are individually. You need, need, NEED to give thought to your friends' feelings for you don't want them to think that you're ending it based on dissatisfaction with who they are as a person...especially if you want to continue a friendship with them.

Let them know where you're coming from, why it is you don't want to be involved in that way anymore, as well as all of the positive qualities you found in them and why you wish to keep them as your friend. Saying things in a positive way can be extremely beneficial for all relationships (friendships, friends with benefits, boyfriends/girlfriends) so it should ensure your ability to maintain that friendship after the extra benefits are taken away.

If you wish not to be their friend and to lose all contact you DO NOT have to be mean about it. They are still people; still humans with real emotions and feelings. You should be kind and compassionate and let them know exactly why you cannot remain friends. Positivity begets positivity; you don't want bad karma in your life. Treat others as you wish to be treated, please and thank you.

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Enjoy every aspect of each other, with caution, kindness and humanity. Watch out for your emotions. And RESPECT each other.