Knowing who you are, what you want in life, what your plan is to achieve your goals (i.e. what are you willing to give up for a relationship/love, but still live feeling happy in what you want to do) will help you know what you have to offer another person. These are topics you need to be honest with yourself about.
I saw a show called "Bad Sex" with Chris Donaghue (sex specialist) on LogoTV and he spoke about understanding the affects one person has on another. If you are unclear with how you affect someone, then you have the potential to hurt them. The best way to gain clarity is to share with yourself where you stand. This means knowing what your needs are – the things you need to have in your personal life, the things you need from your partner and the ways you need to feel while in a relationship. When you know what those things are not only will you be able to find what you want in someone sooner, but you will have less chance of your boundaries getting crossed because you’ll have a firmer understanding of what they are.
How do we come clean with ourselves? Some like to write it out. Some like to type it. Some can talk to themselves or get through without elongated thought methods. But what should we ask ourselves? And what should we figure out about ourselves?
Do I like my job?
Do I like my living accommodations?
Where do I stand financially?
How much time do I need to dedicate to personal responsibilities?
Am I happy (with myself, my communication patterns, the idea of a relationship)?
If I've been unhappy, how long have I felt unhappy? How do I change that?
5 year plan in thought?
How do I communicate?
How much time do I ideally want with a partner?
What are my ticks and peeves?
What am I still figuring out?
The questions above are just to help you get started on the process of deciding your needs, boundaries, and what you have to offer. However, it must start somewhere. You will be amazed how much more confident you are in the dating process when you know what you’re looking for. You will have less worry as to how you affect others because what you have to offer is whole and healthy.
Having a clear-cut idea of ourselves will help us understand why Chris Donaghue said we need to be mindful of other people's feelings. We also must know that we affect ourselves as well. Every decision we make impacts those around us and those we choose to keep close affect us. Therefore we must know what we have to offer to avoid hurting someone and to avoid being hurt by someone (by knowing what we cannot handle in a relationship). It is also important to remember that it takes two whole individuals to make a whole, healthy relationship. Part of being whole is knowing what you have to contribute and exactly what that consist of :)!
Having a clear-cut idea of ourselves will help us understand why Chris Donaghue said we need to be mindful of other people's feelings. We also must know that we affect ourselves as well. Every decision we make impacts those around us and those we choose to keep close affect us. Therefore we must know what we have to offer to avoid hurting someone and to avoid being hurt by someone (by knowing what we cannot handle in a relationship). It is also important to remember that it takes two whole individuals to make a whole, healthy relationship. Part of being whole is knowing what you have to contribute and exactly what that consist of :)!
It’s okay to have boundaries. It’s okay to have needs. Just know where you want to go, how you want to get there, what you want/expect from a partner and be sure to explain that all when the time is appropriate.
The link below is the the specific show I was speaking about in regards to Chris Donaghue.
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