Who doesn't want to talk about sex? Who doesn't want to know how to achieve an orgasm? Who doesn't want to please their partner?

No one. Sex is beautiful, intimate, hot and raunchy. It is everything one could want it to be - SO BE OPEN!

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Honey, I'm Home!

Before you move in with someone there are several things you should think about, several things you should discuss, and several things to consider before making the leap.

First and foremost: how long have you been with that person? Personally I don't like to write a particular number of months or years in stone with this topic, for it's different with everyone. However, I would suggest at least 6 months of dating before considering this big step. It changes quite a lot about the dynamic of the relationship. After 6 months you've gotten over the initial "la-la" land of feeling in love and have (hopefully) formed a functional, independent, self-reliant, trust worthy relationship. Those aspects are extremely important to have aligned before merging you and your partners worlds.

Your habits are different from your partners'. No matter whom you compare yourself too, your habits will always be different. You need to think about how often you clean, what you're willing to clean, how often you do laundry, if you tend to pay bills on time or not, what your personal budget is (for it'll be shared once you move in), what is your schedule/when is your free time, are you a morning person or night person, etc. You may be reading this thinking I'm crazy and that if you've been able to function with that person just fine moving in shouldn't be that big of a deal, but everything you do on your own will become compromised because you'll have a lover in your space. It's different than living with a friend for you'd have your own room to retreat to; in this situation you and your partner will be sharing a bed. So it's very important to analyze what it is that you do on your own so you can better compromise when you do move in.

After figuring yourself out you should discuss your partner's habits with them. They may have differences that are best discussed and worked on prior to moving in to see if moving in is even right at this moment. Some people don't mind washing the dishes every night - if they had the time. So while they don't have the time, or you don't have the time, they pile up in the sink and someone's tolerance needs to break. If it's you not cleaning up enough because you are just too busy to attend to it as often as your partner would need you to, or vice versa then that'll be something you'll have to work out. Maybe all you'll need to do is buy a dishwasher ;c)! There may be easy solutions, there may not - but it's much easier to discuss it all ahead of time before being hit on the head once a lease or mortgage is signed.

Have you lived with someone before? Did it work or not work? What were the pluses and what were the minuses? Anything you thought would have been better if you changed someone/discussed something? Anything you wish were different? Those are all important questions to consider as well. Having past experiences (positive or negative) will help for the past is always connected to the future.

The biggest killer in relationships, especially ones where you move in with your partner: FINANCES! You now have to discuss who is going to pay what, how much of your money goes toward something versus how much of your partner's money will go toward something, who is buying what to furnish the place, what of yours (and theirs) will need to be gotten rid of prior to moving in - for when living with someone you need to compromise as to how much of each person's things are really necessary, etc.

You should always talk about your finances - where you stand and where you're going. It's also a good idea to keep a documented record of all of the big purchases you've made on your own while living with that person (in addition to the big-purchased items that you'll be bringing into your new space). However, keep all of your personal finances personal. Do not let your partner dictate that; it's your bank account, your wallet. If you don't keep a documented record of everything that is yours, however, you'll leave yourself extremely vulnerable to losing everything if all does fall through in the end. Make sure both names are on the lease and that you and your partner have some type of written agreement. Relationships whose partners are equally interested in living together and making things work don't find this document to be a problem - just an FYI. Just make sure you keep your finances straight for they really are one of the roots to a failing relationship and potential bankruptcy.

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If you two have been fighting and you feel that by moving in together you'll eliminate that: WRONG! Moving in together, in fact, will complicate things further - not work them out. You need to feel completely comfortable with your partner, in all aspects, and not have an ounce of doubt. Living together may fix your desire to sleep together every night, but more goes into it than just that. You will now be within one another's space 24/7 - sharing everything. All questions, doubts, reconsiderations, and considerations need to be worked out before you two mesh your lives together. If things are not working out, figuring out a way to make them work out is a better solution than signing something you'll be stuck to.
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Moving in with someone could be an amazing experience. You two could have everything lined up and be able to work through things, mesh with things, and collaborate on things and have it work out beautifully! I know I have probably made it seem more complicated than it is - but everything has potential. Make sure you enter it with happy spirits and complete confidence that this is what you want. If you're not completely sure but want to test it (and everything looks like it's a go) find a place that you don't have to sign a full year's lease...maybe a place that goes month by month so if something does happen you'll have less of a penalty to pay.

Also, always have a back up plan. This goes for anyone moving anywhere really; it's best to have a place to go or a place you know you can turn to if things don't work out as expected. Things could look really good right now and be a mess within a week. Time does this funny thing to us called: unpredictability. If everything works out - awesome! If not, you're safe either way!

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This could make or break a relationship, so be smart with your decisions! Discuss everything, and keep your communication open & flowing!