If you're single and an Ex is floating around is it bad to hook up with them? Absolutely not. I would advise, however, to make sure you both communicate about what each of you are looking for because you do have a history together. It doesn't matter the reasons why you broke up, but you or them will have battle wounds to deal with. You don't want to hurt each other again, or further, so if you aren't planning on discussing things before delving in again - DON'T DO IT! If you are the one being open and he or she isn't then you also need to be cautious about what you're doing. Everyone has feelings, you can't forget that for your own pleasure. You CANNOT be selfish when it comes to an ex; especially if you want them to be your friend. If you still have feelings for that Ex - BE CAREFUL! Sex is more often than not emotional when it comes to an Ex because feelings from the past are bound to come up. You cannot forget what happened in your past no matter how many times you'd like to, and we'd all like to, sometimes. You cannot hold them accountable for not feeling the same way as you may; just as they can't hold you accountable for not feeling the same way they may. KEEP IT CLEAR! Who wants pain? Noone.
Revenge is not a solution either. You cannot, and should not, use an Ex as revenge against anyone else. Even if it is comfortable for the both of you to make someone else jealous or to get revenge on someone it is NOT OKAY! Toying with people's feelings will only hurt you in the long run. Don't add that to your rep -- it doesn't look good.
If you're in a relationship and you are friends with an Ex, specifically an Ex who is around frequently you need to make sure that boundaries are established with both the person you are seeing and the Ex. You do not want things to get hazy and to have your current partner leave you because they are jealous or because it has something/anything to do with your Ex. You also don't want to confuse your Ex. It is perfectly FINE to have an Ex as a friend; they were in your life for a reason and just because things didn't work out between the two of you relationship-wise doesn't mean that they can't be in your life at all. You can be friends with multiple ex's for that matter.
If the person you are dating doesn't approve of you being friends with your Ex, well then you really shouldn't be with them. NEVER let someone dictate your life. I'm not saying as soon as he or she says, "I don't like him or her" that you immediately break it off without a discussion, but certainly if they don't give adequate reasons (and those being reasons you can work through) then I would suggest leaving. If you feel that you partner's reasons are based off of insecurities of any short then address that!! Perhaps your partner isn't saying that they aren't okay with your Ex but is actually saying they need more security or reassurance. THAT IS NORMAL! People deal with insecurities all the time, most of them are subconscious and come from poor past relationships. You can't fault them, but you should correct them.
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If you are the person feeling insecure or not okay with your partner being friends with, hanging out with, or being around an Ex you should say something. Sitting in silence or silently retaliating isn't going to get you anywhere. If you think there is something more going on between them then them just being Ex's and keeping in touch as friends don't just let that go. It won't enhance your relationship, and frankly it will only make matters worse. If you HAVE addressed it and the situation between your partner and their Ex still makes you feel uncomfortable than you can either choose to tolerate and accept what they have or break up with them. You don't want to be left uncomfortable - regardless of how much you care about him or her.
If your insecurities are in fact stemming from a past relationship than you should address that yourself. Keep the conversation open with your partner that you're still working on feeling more secure and you would appreciate him or her keeping in mind that although you love them you can't be fixed over night. This is not an excuse that you can run with though, and it is something that you should try and work on. If you can't fix it in this relationship it won't magically disappear in the next. Don't think, though, that what you're going through is abnormal. When you're in a relationship with someone you are going to be affected by it - it just happens. But you have to remind yourself that the person you are currently seeing IS NOT the person that hurt you and you cannot treat them as if they are. Each person is a new relationship and though they may have similarities, THEY ARE NOT THE SAME!
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If you have an Ex that is making you feel uncomfortable than state that also. A lot of people don't know where to draw the line - SO DRAW IT FOR THEM! You should not be made to feel uncomfortable by a past lover. It is wrong of them, yes. But if he or she doesn't stop then you need to stop them. If you are single it may be more difficult, but stand your ground. Say what you mean and mean what you say. You cannot say "leave me alone" one minute and "okay we can talk" the next. It has to be one way or the other; you cannot confuse your Ex. Set your boundaries and STICK TO THEM! There will always be the person who won't ever let you be or the person who comes back around every now and then (when you know damn well all the want is to be with you) and that isn't healthy for either of you. Taking space doesn't mean you two can't be friends later on in life - but currently you're in the present and if the present doesn't allow them to live comfortably in your life as your Ex than you need to take a step back. Time does this wonderful thing of clearing up the past and making it understandable in the future....so let time do it's job. In the meantime YOU need to take control of YOUR life...simply because you're the only one in charge of YOU!
If you still have joint accounts, bills, valuables or what have you - get that squared away. If it becomes too difficult for you to do on your own then find a mediator. That can be a lawyer, family member or trust-worthy friend; you should not have to deal with ANYTHING that you don't want to. There are other people who are willing to help you I'm sure. Money may be an issue with getting a lawyer - but the cost of sanity is priceless! Don't just sit back and allow yourself to be stressed out when there is a solution to your problem!
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Ex's are inevitable. You can either work through it or walk away. If you are open about what you are feeling, however, I can guarantee that you'll be much happier!
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