Hope for the (Seemingly) Hopeless!

Emotions are ridiculously tricky. One second you know exactly what you're feeling, the next second you have no idea how you felt what you did before because now you feel an entirely different way (sometimes good, sometimes bad). So what are you supposed to do when you REALLY like someone and they show hopeful signs of exclusivity (or a change in the relationship that is mutually appeasing), but haven't yet?

There are several answers to this question depending upon the situation you are personally in.

Generally, it takes about one week to a month for relationships to form and become substantial. In that time frame a great deal is taking place. You are getting to know him or her on a much more personal level and engaging in activities what will continuously provide you with information. This information is used to process whether this person is worth your time. You will learn about his/her hobbies, pastimes, likes/dislikes, interests, philosophies, communication tactics, etc. The speed at which you learn this knowledge is based upon how much time you spend with him/her and how many questions either of you ask. From that point, prior to the formation of the relationship, you are either satisfied with the received information or not. However, just because you are pleased with the information does not mean that he or she feels the same way.

If you are satisfied with the information and want to proceed further but you are unsure that he/she feels the same way then you will need to ask. Regardless of your whether you are male or female, you still have feelings and the right to know what is going on. The only reason you'd be asking anyway is because you need to know whether or not to move ahead. Some people say knowing within a week is crazy, but it depends on how sure of yourself (and your wants/don't wants) you are. Either way, you have the ability to ask. Hopefully he or she will feel the same way, or at least express exactly how they are feeling so you are given an answer in which to make a further decision with.

If you are satisfied with the information, you've discussed it with your potential other, he or she lets you know they cannot give you everything you want but they can satisfy part of what you need, what are you supposed to do? Well, if they can only satisfy part of what you need are you actually, ACTUALLY satisfied with the information? Probably not. What keeps you? Emotional attachment. You most likely let your wall down even though you were aware of the circumstances. Do you hold out hope that the situation will change? You can only achieve change by discussing with him/her how you feel and what you'd like to see become different. If after that talk he/she still does not provide you with a fully satisfying outcome, it is up to you to pick up your heart and walk away.

At the moment things seem hopeless. You really like this person and want more. It is a completely normal happening and emotion to experience. But you don't have to continue on that way. Consider this: if the emotions you are feeling for/with this person cost you fatigue, heartache, devastation, self-questioning and/or sadness it most likely isn't something worth what you're paying for. There are others who can, will, and want to be everything you could ever need. If you're unhappy though, you're not giving yourself the justice you deserve. He/She could be a wonderful person, have admirable characteristics, create inspiration, or spark butterflies. But when you weigh out how often you experience those emotions versus how often you feel the others...is it worth the cost?

There is hope. It's sitting right in the palm of your hands. Communicate your feelings. Rationalize the communicated information. Weigh out the cost of your actions. And ALWAYS love yourself. You know you best. If it feels right, you'll still have the option later on to walk away if it ever feels wrong, so enjoy. If it feels wrong, you have the ability and option to do whatever necessary to get the information you need to make the best decision for you.

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Further questions?

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