If you're dating a person who doesn't want to have a lot of sex with you and is not willing to compromise you have to decide how important sex is. You can either stay, knowing that the amount of sex you typically have may not be met or go, knowing you can find someone who can match your sex drive (or more). All is a matter of tolerance; how much you can personally endure. If you have a partner that you want to have more sex with but they seem to not be on your page - bring them there. Talk about it. Mention how much you enjoy sex and its importance to you (granted, don't phrase it in a way that makes it seem like that is ALL you want). Sex isn't everything, but the amount of times you have it (or don't have it) vary from person to person and relationship to relationship. Who knows, maybe all "the one" is missing is the amount of sex you share and by bringing it up he or she may acknowledge your wishes and form a happy, healthy compromise with you. Scared they'll leave you? DON'T BE! If you're bringing the topic up, or are even thinking about it often enough where you've contemplated bringing it up it's obviously important enough to you where if they do leave you, you would have left them anyhow. It's a win - win situation.
Again, just because every one's sex drives are different (and hormone levels vary too) you are not responsible for apologizing for it. If you don't like having sex that much, you also are not responsible for apologizing. Everyone is different, no one person is created the same. There is someone out there that can match the level at which you stand. Stay true to what you feel, stay true to what you need, and don't be afraid to communicate.
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The only time this topic gets tricky is when guilt comes into play. You should never feel guilty for the amount of sex you have or the desire to have/not have sex. If you do start to feel guilty you need to reflect on what it is that is making you feel that way. Was it a past relationship? A past event? A fear? Really analyze your feelings and discuss them with someone you trust (even a therapist/hotline if need be).
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On Point.......Communication is Key when it Comes to a Relationship! Honesty for some reason is something too many people lack...and Why in a Relationship...I DO NOT KNOW! However ... One should be able to Speak with thier Partner as Freely and comfortable as Possible...if Not there is something more then guilt that you need to evaluate about yourself and Your Lover! Especially when it comes to the Topic of SEX.....partners should be at the very minimum understanding of ones Desires! Be honest With Your Partner about your Needs and Wants...Dont just Vent To Friends and other People who cant do anything About it....Because its Only You...Your Dissappointing in the End!!! LOVE the Blog Baby....Talk Sex, Talk Now....and NO ... THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS TO MUCH SEX!!!
ReplyDeleteI completely agree Chrissy. I just wanted to say I'm so proud of you, from years ago when you said you were going to do this :) I love your openness about sex, and I think that relationships in general greatly benefit from partners discussing any and all sexual desires. It's all too often people genuinely care about each other, but as you said their libidos do not match up and therefore certain things deteriorate within the relationship. I think wanting to be desired by your partner, is also a huge issue with sexual drive. The drive or desire might be there in theory, but if a partner does not display it physically, this can hinder not only communication but self worth within the relationship.
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